I love having forever friends, if that makes sense.
I have a friend who lives in a different province. Yet she is most definately the closet person in my life. We always say we live parallel lives because often when something happens to me, it happens to her, or vise versa, AT THE SAME TIME. Its so weird and bizzare.. yet it works. Because we always know how each other are. THANK GOD she doesnt have cancer. But we have talking lately. And we've planned a trip for when I beat this thing. We're gone to California to become California girls. You have no idea how much this means to me.
Shes coming to visit me in December, and that makes me so incredibly happy. My heart just jumps when I think about having her here.
I guess now Im trying to look forward to the positive things in life, rather then the cards Ive been dealt recently.

On another note. I just tried to watch "The Bucket List". I made it 15 minutes before I had to turn off. Im still crying alot. I think its good for me to cry once I day at least though. Because I went three days with no tears.. and then I just snapped at ginger.. and I was so mad I bawled and cried myself to sleep while she rubbed my back. She ditched her plans and stayed on the couch, and each time I cried in my sleep she came back to the room and rubbed my back more untill I was sleeping again. Shes such a blessing. I dont even know what I would do without her. Seriously. But when I dont cry.. any little thing that someone does or says sets me off... And then I cant stop.. So maybe crying once a day will have to become a new trend.

my biggest fear?

the cancer has spread all over my body and one morning i just wont wake up.

i cant sleep alone without having panic attacks.

thank God for ginger letting me sleep over..

and waking up every hour beside her knowing im still safe on earth.

i wish this whole "cancer" thing would go away.

the anxiety i feel is probably the worst.